Growing up, I never knew my father, and my upbringing was shaped by my mother's constant busyness, her relationships, and later her struggle with drug use. We moved 1-2 times a year, leading to a difficult childhood marked by insecurities and early lessons in hiding pain. As the oldest of two daughters, I faced significant early challenges and betrayals from adults I trusted, leaving scars that still remain. Despite these hardships, I learned resilience from a young age, becoming a protector of my sister and small cousins, forced to grow up too fast.
After graduating high school, I found myself navigating adulthood sooner than expected when I became a mother to my first daughter. Financial struggles, career uncertainties, and a lack of healthy relationship skills strained my relationship with my partner. When faced with another pregnancy five years later, and with our relationship on shaky ground, we made the heart-wrenching decision to undergo an abortion. I knew in my heart that I would soon be a single parent, and the thought of struggling with two children as my mother did terrified me. I thought I was doing the right thing. No one taught me the value of life, and society painted a picture of how insignificant it is to have an abortion, spewing lies that it’s not a child, just a clump of cells. They normalized and promoted it. What an evil lie.
Years later, while in another long-term relationship, I faced new trials, new deceptions, and new heartache, including another abortion and the loss of a child due to an ectopic pregnancy. This relationship and the abortions broke me. The relationship ended horribly, leaving me silent and broken, a shell I didn’t recognize. No one knew my secrets of pain and shame. I just kept going in survival mode.
In 2008, ready to move on and search for a husband, not a boyfriend or temporary partner, I met my husband. Despite initial challenges blending our families and overcoming personal obstacles, we worked hard to try to heal and connect. Without God at the center of our marriage, we were failing. That all changed in the fall of 2020. After starting marriage counseling with a Christian counselor, my husband stepped up and said, “We are going to find a church.” Every Sunday, we would get up and go to a new church until one Sunday, we found our church. We have been attending for over three years. Through faith, we found healing and stability, leading to a stronger marriage over the years.
Being a mother has been my most important accomplishment in life. Since my daughter Breanna’s birth, I have been tested. God's gift to me was born sassy, making me work at parenting, and I tried to be a good mom, wanting her to have all the advantages and stability I didn't have, and not to struggle or suffer. I hold an abundance of unconditional love for her and she means the world to me. Her happiness and joy in life is all I want for her. I am so proud to be her mom.
2021 would prove to be a year of growth and healing but also devastation. In March, I embarked on a journey of healing by joining a post-abortive Bible study, which became a pivotal moment in my spiritual and emotional recovery. Through this Bible study, I grew to know the love and heart of Jesus, transforming into the stage of healing and forgiveness. In April, on Easter Sunday, I was baptized, a decision that profoundly changed my life and renewed my faith in God. I also repaired my shattered relationship with my mother; I asked God to remove the resentment and hurt so that I could enjoy the time I have left with her and have a real relationship with her. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing! On December 11, my faith was tested with the tragic loss of my stepson, Robert, to suicide. This devastating event strengthened my resolve and faith in Jesus, as He kept us healthy during the healing process of our son.
Today, as a new creation in Christ, I am passionate about supporting women and families on their journeys to healing. I want to share the message of God's forgiveness and redemption, offering hope to those who feel lost or broken. You don't have to carry shame; you are deeply loved and forgiven. Taking that first step—opening your heart and talking with God—can lead you toward a brighter future.
Thank you for letting me share a glimpse into my healing and redemption. I have experienced hopelessness and unworthiness, and I've carried deep shame for mistakes I've made. Yet, through God's grace, I discovered forgiveness, hope, and redemption. My journey continues, knowing that challenges will come and losses will happen, but as long as I keep God at the center of my life, I will thrive.
I hope you find your peace and joy through life’s challenges. May you come out renewed and redeemed.
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