From Brokenness to Healing

Healing after the Loss of an Adult Child to Suicide

Losing a child is a parent's worst nightmare, but losing an adult child to suicide brings a unique and profound pain that words can scarcely capture. I have walked this dark path, and I want to share my journey of brokenness, healing, and ultimately finding strength in my faith in God. If you are reading this because you are also enduring this unfathomable grief, know that you are not alone.

The Brokenness It Leaves

The day I lost Robert, my beloved bonus-son of 14 years, began like any other. I had just returned home from a morning function and noticed a missed Ring notification. When I saw it was a police officer, panic set in. I immediately thought something had happened to my husband. I called him right away. When he answered, I felt a momentary relief knowing he was okay, but I could sense something was off in his voice.

I told him a police officer had stopped by, thinking it was about him. There was a pause, and then he gave me the most horrific news: Robert was dead. He had hung himself. I went numb. I was in disbelief. My immediate response was, "Are you okay? I'm so sorry." My husband quickly ended the call, and I was overwhelmed with panic. How would I support my husband through this? How would he ever survive this? How would he ever recover?

I called my daughter to relay the terrible news, each word feeling heavier than the last. Then, I went to work looking for a counselor who could see my husband as soon as possible. It was a day of endless calls, trying to find someone with the capacity to take on new patients without a months-long wait. He needed someone now, a professional to talk to.

Next, I began the heartbreaking task of making funeral arrangements. During the COVID era, finding a venue that would allow us to gather was a challenge. But I was determined to give Robert the tribute he deserved.

The Struggle to Honor a Troubled Life

Honoring Robert's memory was a deeply challenging task. How do you honor a child who was a major mess-up? He didn't leave behind a legacy of positive accomplishments. He was a liar, a thief, a recovering drug addict, and an ex-convict. When he was released from prison and given a second chance, he was more concerned with status than taking his time to re-enter life. It's really sad that he gave nothing back to society.

But on the other hand, the kid I once knew was polite, loving, and inquisitive. He was good at mechanical things, always taking them apart and putting them back together. He loved adventure, especially being on the water like his dad. Remembering these qualities helped me see the complexity of his life and the glimpses of goodness in him.

The Healing Process

Healing is not a linear process; it’s a journey with many ups and downs. The first step for me was acknowledging the pain and allowing myself to grieve. I learned that it's okay to not be okay, and that crying and feeling lost were natural responses to such a profound loss.

Finding support was crucial. Sharing my story and learning others had lost children, although sad made me realize that I wasn't alone in my grief. Professional counseling also provided a safe space to express my emotions and work through the trauma.

Healing came in small, incremental steps. I started by establishing a daily routine, even if it was just getting out of bed and taking a walk. Finding moments of joy in simple things—a beautiful sunrise, a kind word from a friend—helped me begin to rebuild my shattered world.

Coming Out Stronger in Faith

In my darkest moments, turning to God was my anchor. I poured out my heart in prayer, asking for strength and understanding. Certain scriptures became my lifeline, providing comfort and a sense of God's presence even when I felt utterly alone. Verses like Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit," reminded me that I wasn't abandoned in my grief.

Trusting God's plan wasn't easy. There were times when I was angry and questioned why this had to happen. But gradually, I found peace in surrendering my pain to God, believing that He had a purpose even in my suffering. My faith helped me see that while I couldn't change the past, I could trust in God's love and His promise to be with me through every storm.

As I began to heal, I discovered a new purpose in my pain. I aspire to support other parents who have lost a child to suicide, although I haven't had the opportunity yet. I realized that my story could offer hope and comfort to others walking a similar path.

Supporting Those Struggling with Mental Health Issues

Recognizing the signs of mental health struggles in loved ones is the first step. Look for changes in behavior, withdrawal from social activities, or expressions of hopelessness. If you notice these signs, reach out with compassion and offer your support.

Partnering with God in this journey can provide both comfort and guidance. Praying for those struggling, sharing scripture, and practicing spiritual disciplines together can create a foundation of hope and healing.

Conclusion

While the pain of losing a child to suicide will never fully disappear, I have found a renewed strength and purpose through my faith in God. By supporting each other and turning to God for comfort and guidance, we can find healing and become beacons of hope for others.

If you are navigating this painful journey, know that healing is possible and you are not alone. Together, we can support one another and find solace in God's unwavering love.